Is your family wounded or broken today?

I have a certain routine to my day, especially my morning routine. I wake up, spend time with my husband before he leaves for work, have my cup of coffee, read posts and post on FaceBook, then at 7:00 or 7:30 am I always watch Joyce Meyer on tv. She always inspires me and stirs me up. I take notes of her great messages then post them on FB. After that I read 2-3 chapters in the Old Testement and one chapter of the New Testement in my Bible. Next I open my prayer notebook and pray for my friends and my loved ones. Then I get dressed go for my outdoor walk with the dogs and feed my birds. And then continue with the rest of my day.

Well today I joined WordPress.com and I want to start blogging. The more I read, the more excited I got. I have so many painful and joyful and life changing experiences in my life that I would love to share with people. I love to write and I especially want to help people that are hurting. I think God could really us me. I was so engrossed in reading about blogging and readiing people’s blogs that I totally lost track of time.

Then a dear friend called who I have not spoken with in a long time and we chatted and she shared her prayer requests with me. By that time it was time to take my dogs out for a walk- I had not taken them out since 4:30 am and it was already 9:15.

And then it happened. This black cloud settled over me. I did NOT want to read my Bible. I could think of a lot of things I would rather do because I really really did not want to read my Bible. I called one of my best friends. We usually chat on the phone for a while. I explained all of this to her and she prayed a 2 sentence prayer that God would speak to my heart and I would open my Women of Faith Study Bible. I literally had to force myself.

As soon as I started reading the Word of God I was instantly glad I did. I love to read the old familiar stories in Genesis and I read the study notes and I always learn something, I am always comforted or encouraged or inspired or convicted of my sin or just be reminded of the woman God wants me to be.

This morning Genesis chapter 33 spoke especially personally to me. It concerned family relationships. Jacob and Esau were brothers- they never liked each other, they never got along and to make matters worse the mother favored one son and the father favored the other. While the father was on his deathbed his wife and her favorite son tricked the father into giving the birthright and a full blessing to the younger son. ( The custom was the oldest child had the birthright and got his father’s full blessing and the younger brothers would serve the older brother and the older brother would gain all the land and be blessed by God and be prosperous.) Esau, the older son hated Jacob and planned to kill him after his father died. The mother sent Joseph away. Jacob was gone for 14 years- he served seven years working for one wife and another 7 years working for the second wife.

Now we come to Genesis 33. My chapter for today. I understand now why the devil did NOT want me to read this chapter…Jacob is returning home. He fears that his brother, who is approaching with a great army of men will kill him, his family, his servants and all his livestock. Jacob sends his servants ahead to his brother with gifts of livestock. The brother refuses the gifts but instead Esau runs to his brother and embraces his brother and they wept. Their hard hearts were softened and they felt love and mercy and forgiveness for each other.

Does your family live in perfect harmony with each other or is there conflict and strife?My 4 children did not have a happy childhood- they each grew up in different homes- 3 of them were in numerous different foster homes. Each one says they have forgiven me 25 years later but our family is still wounded and broken. One of my adult children visited me on Christmas Eve and we had a great time before he drove back to D.C. Two of my other children drove together from New York and New England to surprise me with a visit. I got to see my granddaughter who I have not seen for 3 years. My child who lives in Michigan was there also with my other two grandchildren… I live in Michigan. We had the happiest 4 days that we have had in many many years. It was a joy to see my children and grandchildren bond with each other. I was filled with joy. Then Friday night words were said in anger- cruel unkind words that left all of us hurt, devastated and angry. My son and my daughter left two days later and two of my children are not speaking to me, I cannot see my grandchildren- they want nothing to do with me and one of my children wants nothing to do with anyone in our family. So, as you can imagine, I am deeply hurt and dissappointed. But I have chosen to focus on the happy times we did share together and now my focus is on God, my loving husband, the two children that do love me and want to be their mother, my dogs, my cat and my birds.

I can see now why not he devil did his very best to keep me from reading the story of Jacob and Esau. If there was hope for these two there is hope for my family- and for yours. Whatever your family situation is God can heal it if we turn to Jesus, ask him to forgive our sin, be our Lord and Savior and put all of our faith in his death on the cross, burial and resurrection. Once we do this we are born again, we become a child of God and we can pray to him and give him all of our worries and cares and burdens and ask him to help us to patiently wait until his timing is perfect. He does not always promise us we will get what we want and we need to ask him to help us accept the things we cannot change… but he hears our every prayer, he loves us, he loves our children and our family members and He knows what is best for us. All I know is that if he could soften the hearts of Jacob and Esau he can soften the hearts of anyone if we pray and trust him and patiently wait.

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Daily Inspiration

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HAVE A DELIGHTFUL DAY TODAY!

Feeling Great!!!

I feel great! Energized! Happy! Proud of myself! Thirsty! Tired! This morning I was sinking into a sea of despair. I was grieving over the ongoing loss of a relationship with someone I dearly love. i did not want to get out of bed. My husband told me to go for a walk. The last thing I wanted to do was go for a walk but it was only 64° at 9:30 this morning (not too hot) so I forced myself to get up, get out and get moving!

Our Walk

My dogs and I went for a fast paced 30 minute walk. It was warm and sunny and beautiful! The grass was so green, the flowers so pretty, the sky was so blue with puffy white clouds. The birds were singing and the cars on the nearby highway were humming. The fresh air and sunshine felt really wonderful! It was so quiet and peaceful.

Why I Had Stopped Walking

Somebody told me not to walk every day so I had stopped walking for a day. One day became two days and two days became three and now it has been two weeks. Like I said I did not feel like walking today but I forced myself to walk and I feel great! Personally, I need to walk every day, even if my muscles are sore for a few days or longer.

And Now….

Now I am going to have a nice big glass of Crystal Light iced tea, spend time in God’s Word and in prayer and my dismal day will be delightful! And tomorrow, I will begin my day in the same way! I do need to mention to you that I did have a healthy breakfast and a glass of water before I went for my walk.

What about You?

And what about you? Are you getting up, getting out and getting moving? Are you too tired and too depressed to go for a walk? Or just too lazy? GET MOVING!!! JUST DO IT!!! You will feel better mentally, physically, your heart and lungs will get some exercise and you will be glad you did it.

Thank you Jesus for this beautiful day, for warm air and sunshine, for all the beautiful things I see and hear when I go for a walk, for health and two legs to be able to go for a walk and for turning a day of depression into a day of delight. I will take my focus off of ME and put all of my focus on YOU. Please bless the reading of your Word today and speak to my heart. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

Crummy Neighborhood

Supposing you live in a crummy neighborhood. Drive your car, take a bus, or ask a friend to go with you- go to the nearest pretty park and go for a walk around. GET UP! GET OUT! GET MOVING!!! If it is too hot out get up early or walk in the evening. Try to do this every day. Try to walk for 20 minutes to start with. After you have done that for a good amount of time- when you are ready walk for 30 minutes and then 40 minutes if you have the time and are able to do it. If you are truly only able to walk for 10 minutes then walk for 10 minutes. JUST DO IT!

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Letter to my daughter

Dear Heather,

Yesterday… I tried not to think about you. How much I love you. How much I miss you. How awful I feel way down deep inside. I knew it was your birthday. You are now 37 years old. For so many years I dreamed of having a normal, stable, close and loving mother and daughter relationship with you. I would have sent you a beautiful birthday card and a gift card to a nice restaurant in Boston. You would have called me to thank me and we would have chatted on the phone about your life and your daughter’s- my granddaughter’s life. We would talk for an hour and one of us would finally say goodby.

There were brief periods in your life where we actually were close and we talked on the phone. It was in your darkest most painful times when you needed a mother. How I hurt for you my beautiful daughter. How I wanted to take away your pain and heartache. I consoled you, comforted you and you even listened to my advice. Those brief periods of closeness meant so much to me.

Somehow I made it through the day yesterday without feeling suicidal. I pushed all my feelings of guilt and regret out of my mind until I layed down to go to sleep. Then thoughts of you flooded my mind. Guilt. Regrets. Grief and despair.

I thought of the last ten years or so- your adult years. Somehow I did not see them as your adult years. I looked upon you as though you were still my little girl and I had to “fix” all of your problems. I don’t know when it happened but you no longer needed me or wanted my advice. I knew you were having problems with your boyfriend but it was years before I found out how terrible it had been. I was surprised when the two of you broke up. You had not called me. You had not confided in me. You no longer wanted to talk to me. I realize now that I gave you too much “advice” and that my “advice” had grown into trying to solve your problems for you. I did this when you joined the Marines. I did this when you and your boyfriend decided to have a child. I did this numerous times in your life. I was truly sincerely trying to help you although I am sure you only saw it as me criticizing, manipulating and trying to control you- telling you what you should and should not be doing. I guess I really was trying to control you- telling you what you should and should not be doing. You are in your thirties. You are an adult. You are old enough to make your own decisions and solve your own problems. You don’t need me anymore . You have made some wise choices and you have made some poor choices in your life but from what I hear you are doing okay. You are strong. You are smart. You are a survivor. You are beautiful.

Do you know when I realized that I was controlling and manipulative? Two days ago when your brother told me he was going to do something that I truly believe is a terrible decision and one he will regret. Instead of telling him what a terrible idea it is, like I have done with you and his other siblings, I told him I learned my lesson and I would not say anything. The truth is that none of you want or need my advice. I did not raise anything of you so I lost the privilege of giving any of you advice any more. I am flooded with feelings of depression….

UPDATE: I was thinking…. Maybe that is not why you are mad at me. Maybe it is not that at all. There is so much more, isn’t there? I am truly sorry I tried to kill myself. I am sorry that I hung up the phone on you when you wanted to talk to me about what I had done. I am sorry I badmouthed you to other people. The list goes on and on… I know I was rotten to you and I understand why you don’t want anything to do with me but I love you and I miss you so much and I miss my granddaughter. I wish you could try to forgive me and call me and talk to me again….

(To be continued…)

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Have You Ever Thought: God Does Not Love Me?

Who among us has never had the thought- God is not good? Who has never thought God does not love me? I had those thoughts. I had been divorced and very lonely for 14 years before I had met Todd, fallen in love, and was looking forward to being married to him. Then in one night he was taken from me. He unexpectedly died in his sleep. At that time I thought- God, if you truly loved me you would not have taken my fiancé from me.

Who has never thought I don’t deserve to be loved? Have we ever done something so terrible that we thought- God can never forgive this sin? These are lies. They come from the devil. We believe these and other lies about God, our spouse, our children, ourselves, our circumstances and many other things.

The book LIES WOMEN BELIEVE And the Truth That Sets them Free by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemoth bases everything she says on the source of truth- Jesus Christ and His Word. The book begins with Eve, the first woman ever deceived by the devil. It describes what her feelings, thoughts and emotions might have been before, during and after she sinned. I have had those same feelings, thoughts and emotions. Again Jesus is the source of truth and it is Jesus that can and will set us free from bondage to sin, lies, guilt, shame, and regrets from the past.

I will be writing about the book Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free, but don’t just read a paragraph or two that I am writing. Buy the book. It has the potential to truly change you from within, using principles from God’s Word.

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My Cousin Is Dying

My cousin Louise is dying. She has cancer. She got it for the second time. She went through chemo three times. Louise is in her sixties. Her husband emailed me and gave me the news. She will be starting hospice. My Dad had four brothers and three sisters. All but one of them got married and had several children so we had a lot of cousins. There is a saying that cousins are our first friends.Well, one by one my parents, all of my aunts and all of my uncles except for one have died. That happens as you get older. It is so very sad. When I was very young, my meme and Pepe (my Dad’s Canadian French parents) were alive and we had wonderful Christmas parties. Food and candy was in abundance, alcohol flowed, there was fun and laughter and I loved playing with my cousins. We all lived fairly close to each other and we often visited and played together.When we were older and our parents died off we drifted apart but my cousin Mark brought us all back together with a yearly family barbecue at a local park. We swapped stories, looked at old photos and removed braced. My cousin Louise always said she used to babysit me when she was a teenager and I was a holy terror. I vaguely remember coloring on the walls…Louise was beautiful with fair skin, dark hair and a warm smile. Her husband Joe loves her so much. They got married in their teens. Now they are in their sixties. They have children and grandchildren who love them very much. Louise’s brothers are Jerry and Ronnie. I saw Ronnie at a family BBQ when I visited Massachusetts. ( I live in Michigan now). It was so good to see my cousins: Dan and Cathy, Steve and Cindy, Ronnie and Mark. Louise will be my first cousin to die. Others will follow, just like my aunts and uncles. All I can do is sit here and cry. My heart is so heavy. I already feel a terrible, terrible loss. Poor, beautiful Louise. Poor Joe. Poor Ronnie and Jerry. A beautiful light will soon shine no more.My 2 sisters and I sent a little bouquet of pretty flowers to Louise. Why is it we wait until after a person dies before we send them flowers? When we love someone, why don’t we send them flowers while they are still alive? The story does not end here. I sent Louise and Joe an email and I wrote the same thing I told my mother, my father and my stepmother Grace. The Bible tells us that we can know for sure that we have eternal life and a home in heaven. None of us are good enough to get to heaven. When we stand before a holy, righteous and perfect God our good works are not good enough. We are sinful. The Bible says that our righteousness is like filthy rags to God. But Jesus died on the cross and paid for our sins. When we repent of our sins, ask Jesus to forgive us, and believe in his death, burial and resurrection we receive the gift of God, which is eternal life. It is by faith in Jesus alone and not by going to church or keeping the sacraments or by doing any other thing that gives us a home in Heaven. That is what the Bible says. Some Bible verses to look up are Romans 3:10, Isaiah 64:6, Romans 5:8, Romans 6:23, Ephesians 2:8-9, John 3:16–17. 1 John 1:8-9, Romans 10:9, 13. I hope and pray that Joe and Louise read my email, put their faith and trust in Jesus and I will see them again someday in heaven. I know I will see my mother and father there, and I am pretty sure I will see Grace there too. I hope to see my aunts and uncles there also- because of their faith in Jesus. If you have never asked Jesus to forgive your sins, if you have never put your faith in Jesus and asked him to be your Lord and Savior please take a minute right now and do that. Because one day you will stand before a holy, righteous God. Would you rather spend an eternity with Jesus in heaven, or in the flames and fire of hell?#Community#Growth#Health#Wellness#Happy#Happiness#Inspirational#Everydayinspiration#Relationships#discover#Motivation#Life#Dailypost#Personaldevelopment#Postaday#Smile#Differentsmiles#Reasonstosmile#Mentalhealth#Mentalillness#Selfhelp#Selfcare#Stress#Success#Reflection#Feelings#Honesty#Lifestyle#Sadness#Dreams

Quitting

I just got back from my weekend getaway. I would love to tell you about my trip but I am actually thinking of quitting WordPress. Less then ten people make comments on my blog. Even fewer like my blog. I can only conclude people are not reading my blog or people are really not interested in what I have to say. I might as well be writing in a journal. Besides, I eventually quit anything and everything I start. I just lose interest. Quitting is what I do best. I have practiced quite often and I have become quite skilled at it. #Community#Growth#Health#Wellnrss#Happy#Happness#Inspirational#Relationships#Discover#Motivation#Life#Dailypst#Personaldevelopment#Postaday#Mentalhealth#Mentalillness#Smile#differentsmiles#reasonstosmile#selfhelp#selfcare#Stress##Success#Reflection#Feelings#Honesty#Lifestyle#Sadness#Dreams#Hope

The Declaration of Independence

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”Happy Independence Day to the United States Of America ! #Community#Growth#Health#Wellness#Happiness#Happy#Inspirational#Everydayinspiration#Relationships#Discover#Motivation#Life#Dailypost#Personaldevelopment#Postaday#Smile#Differentsmiles#Reasonstosmile#Differentsmiles#Mentalhealth#Mentalillness#Selfhelp#Selfcare#Stress#Success#Reflection#Feelings#HonestyLifestyle#Sadness#Dreams#Hope

The Battle of the Bulge

“Do you not know that your bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were brought with a price. Therefore glorify God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6:19,20Our bodies are not our own. They were bought with a price. That price was the previous blood of Jesus. Our bodies should bring glory to God. We are to treat our bodies well, take care of them- not smoke, not take drugs, not consume a ton of junk food. This is a command of God. I am trying to take care of my body. I am trying not to give in to the flesh and give in to those urges for junk food. It is so very hard. I can not do it on my own. I need the power of God to help me. I need a ton of prayer- my own prayer- and people praying for me. I need to have the power of God to help me give up my lust and addiction to junk food. I am weak, but my God is strong. Let me get real here. When I have my shirt off, and I look at myself sideways in the mirror I cannot believe how enormous I have gotten over the past year. Solution: Do not look at myself in the mirror. Better solution: Work hard and do what needs to be done. It took me a year to put on twenty pounds ( and another ten pounds the year before that) so it is going to take a year to take the weight off. It is so hard to wait. A year seems like a very long time. I have been trying to eat right for a week now, reducing my intake, measuring my food, battling my cravings for junk food, eating more fruits and veggies. I get weighed at TOPS tomorrow.Yesterday I started out great. I walked my big dog for 45 minutes in the early morning and walked my little dog an additional 20 minutes. I had a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch. My hardest time is after lunch from 12:00 noon until dinner at 5:00. Yesterday I had two Oreos in the morning. In the afternoon I had 6 more Oreos. Then I ate 1/4 cup frozen yogurt and chips and salsa last night. Then last night I phoned my friend and went on FB and asked my friends for healthy snack ideas. Today I am armed with prayer, motivation, grapes, rice cakes and peanut butter, baby carrots, celery with peanut butter, my 3 C veggie mix (celery, carrots, cauliflower, cut up) and popcorn. I repeated my early morning fast walk with Willow this morning and then my 20 minute walk with little Bentley a little later. I am not giving up! So what about you? Do you want to stop that addiction to junk food? When is your biggest battle? Is it mornings? Afternoon? Evening? Weekends? Holidays? Pray, pray, pray. Ask God to help you. Ask anyone and everyone to pray for you. Join a weight loss group: TOPS ( Take Off Pounds Sensibly) or Weight Watchers or some other group. Some people find a weight loss program to be helpful. Others work with a nutritionist. The key is DONT DO IT ALONE. GET HELP. And exercise, exercise, exercise. I have written numerous blogs about the many benefits of exercise and the many different types of exercise- do something- anything. Get moving, Below you will see my exercise partners. We walk early in the morning, while it is still cool out. My blog is Willow and Bentley’s Mama. My dogs are lady Willow and little Mr Bentley.#Community#Growth#Health#Wellness #Happy#Happiness#Inspirational#Everydayinspiration#Relationships#Discover#Motivation#Life#Dailypost#Personaldevelopment#Postaday#Smile#Differentsmiles#Reasonstosmile#Mentalhealth#Mentalillness#Selfhelp#Selfcare#Reflection#Feelings#Honesty#Lifestyle#Sadness#Dreams