Is your family wounded or broken today?

I have a certain routine to my day, especially my morning routine. I wake up, spend time with my husband before he leaves for work, have my cup of coffee, read posts and post on FaceBook, then at 7:00 or 7:30 am I always watch Joyce Meyer on tv. She always inspires me and stirs me up. I take notes of her great messages then post them on FB. After that I read 2-3 chapters in the Old Testement and one chapter of the New Testement in my Bible. Next I open my prayer notebook and pray for my friends and my loved ones. Then I get dressed go for my outdoor walk with the dogs and feed my birds. And then continue with the rest of my day.

Well today I joined WordPress.com and I want to start blogging. The more I read, the more excited I got. I have so many painful and joyful and life changing experiences in my life that I would love to share with people. I love to write and I especially want to help people that are hurting. I think God could really us me. I was so engrossed in reading about blogging and readiing people’s blogs that I totally lost track of time.

Then a dear friend called who I have not spoken with in a long time and we chatted and she shared her prayer requests with me. By that time it was time to take my dogs out for a walk- I had not taken them out since 4:30 am and it was already 9:15.

And then it happened. This black cloud settled over me. I did NOT want to read my Bible. I could think of a lot of things I would rather do because I really really did not want to read my Bible. I called one of my best friends. We usually chat on the phone for a while. I explained all of this to her and she prayed a 2 sentence prayer that God would speak to my heart and I would open my Women of Faith Study Bible. I literally had to force myself.

As soon as I started reading the Word of God I was instantly glad I did. I love to read the old familiar stories in Genesis and I read the study notes and I always learn something, I am always comforted or encouraged or inspired or convicted of my sin or just be reminded of the woman God wants me to be.

This morning Genesis chapter 33 spoke especially personally to me. It concerned family relationships. Jacob and Esau were brothers- they never liked each other, they never got along and to make matters worse the mother favored one son and the father favored the other. While the father was on his deathbed his wife and her favorite son tricked the father into giving the birthright and a full blessing to the younger son. ( The custom was the oldest child had the birthright and got his father’s full blessing and the younger brothers would serve the older brother and the older brother would gain all the land and be blessed by God and be prosperous.) Esau, the older son hated Jacob and planned to kill him after his father died. The mother sent Joseph away. Jacob was gone for 14 years- he served seven years working for one wife and another 7 years working for the second wife.

Now we come to Genesis 33. My chapter for today. I understand now why the devil did NOT want me to read this chapter…Jacob is returning home. He fears that his brother, who is approaching with a great army of men will kill him, his family, his servants and all his livestock. Jacob sends his servants ahead to his brother with gifts of livestock. The brother refuses the gifts but instead Esau runs to his brother and embraces his brother and they wept. Their hard hearts were softened and they felt love and mercy and forgiveness for each other.

Does your family live in perfect harmony with each other or is there conflict and strife?My 4 children did not have a happy childhood- they each grew up in different homes- 3 of them were in numerous different foster homes. Each one says they have forgiven me 25 years later but our family is still wounded and broken. One of my adult children visited me on Christmas Eve and we had a great time before he drove back to D.C. Two of my other children drove together from New York and New England to surprise me with a visit. I got to see my granddaughter who I have not seen for 3 years. My child who lives in Michigan was there also with my other two grandchildren… I live in Michigan. We had the happiest 4 days that we have had in many many years. It was a joy to see my children and grandchildren bond with each other. I was filled with joy. Then Friday night words were said in anger- cruel unkind words that left all of us hurt, devastated and angry. My son and my daughter left two days later and two of my children are not speaking to me, I cannot see my grandchildren- they want nothing to do with me and one of my children wants nothing to do with anyone in our family. So, as you can imagine, I am deeply hurt and dissappointed. But I have chosen to focus on the happy times we did share together and now my focus is on God, my loving husband, the two children that do love me and want to be their mother, my dogs, my cat and my birds.

I can see now why not he devil did his very best to keep me from reading the story of Jacob and Esau. If there was hope for these two there is hope for my family- and for yours. Whatever your family situation is God can heal it if we turn to Jesus, ask him to forgive our sin, be our Lord and Savior and put all of our faith in his death on the cross, burial and resurrection. Once we do this we are born again, we become a child of God and we can pray to him and give him all of our worries and cares and burdens and ask him to help us to patiently wait until his timing is perfect. He does not always promise us we will get what we want and we need to ask him to help us accept the things we cannot change… but he hears our every prayer, he loves us, he loves our children and our family members and He knows what is best for us. All I know is that if he could soften the hearts of Jacob and Esau he can soften the hearts of anyone if we pray and trust him and patiently wait.

# Daily Inspirational

Daily Inspiration

A CHRISTIAN’S ADDICTION TO FOOD

DEFINITION OF ADDICTION

Miriam Webster defines an addiction as A compulsive, chronic, physical or psychological need for a habit forming substance, behavior or activity having harmful physical, psychological or social effects and typically causing well-defined symptoms such as anxiety, irritability, tremors or nausea upon withdrawal or abstinence.

MY ADDICTION

I am addicted to junk food. Last night, I was craving a chocolate bar. I was irritable, stressed out and the urge was so strong. I could not think of anything else. I have an addiction to sugar/ chocolate. Instead of having a chocolate bar I gorged myself on healthy foods last night. I consumed 1/4 of a large bag of Skinny popcorn, two sugar free jellos, two tangerines and 4 graham crackers. I wanted ice cream but we had none. Instead I had a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. My husband asked me why I was eating nonstop. I had no idea, but I could not stop myself. In hindsight, it probably would have been better for me to eat a chocolate bar.

HARMFUL EFFECTS

I woke up, as I often do, sick to my stomach because of my gorging. I drank the last of our Peptones Bismol. I am ashamed and disgusted with myself and feeling depressed.

THE ANSWER

I honestly don’t have the answer. I was not hungry. I had a good dinner. I was not depressed. Because of the Corona virus I cannot meet with my twelve step group and my counseling appointments are for one hour twice a month. By the evening I am too tired to read my Bible, pray, or do some kind of physical activity. I am asking you, my friends, relatives and readers to pray for me. Honestly I think the best thing to do is to eat a chocolate bar every night and make my awful craving go away. I appreciate any advice you can possibly give me. I am telling you these cravings are so powerful that I feel helpless to overcome them.

I know what I will do. I will start reading my Serenity New Testament and Psalms with the 12 Steps of AA. Step 1 says, “ we admitted we were powerless over our dependencies – that our lives had become unmanageable.” There is a chapter on step one that I will read and then I will read the devotional for day one. It is taken from Matthew 9:36. Tonight when I am craving food I will come back to my Serenity Bible.Tomorrow I will let you know how I am doing.

BIBLE VERSE

“But when He (Jesus) saw the multitudes He was moved with compassion for them, because they were like sheep having no shepherd.” Matthew9:36. [See also Romans 7:18-20, Psalm 6:2-4, Psalm 31:9-10, Psalm 38:1-9, Psalm 44:14-16, Psalm 72:12, 13]

PRAYER

God, grant me the serenity, To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it. Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will so that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

LIFE IN MY TWENTIES

REVIEW

If you have not read my Teens/ Singles part 1 and part 2 you may want to read them before reading this blog.

SEEING MY FAMILY AGAIN

My husband had joined the army and when Lucy was fourteen months old and Lisa was 2 days old we moved to a trailer park outside Fort Gordon Georgia. I was 21 years old. It was warm and sunny in Georgia but I was so homesick, especially on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas. When my husband finished his schooling in Georgia, we drove north to visit my Mom, Dad and sister Sue in Massachusetts. We stayed for a couple of weeks and then we were going to drive to Fort Lewis, in Washington state. It had been wonderful to be with my parents and sister again but I was excited and looking forward to going on a great adventure in Tacoma, Washington. The time came to say goodbye. Ron and I had planned on getting up early and leaving at 8:00 am. . I thought everything was packed and ready to go in our u-Haul trailer but for some reason it was taking my husband all day to unpack and repack everything. I was getting angrier with each passing hour. I will always regret being in such a hurry to leave home and drive to Washington State and start our new adventure.

MY FINAL GOODBYE

“Why are you getting so angry? “ My mother asked me. “After you leave I will not see you for a really long time.” I felt terrible. I had not thought of that. I did not want to leave after my Mom said that. She was dying of thyroid cancer. I loved my Mom more than I loved anyone else in the world. Anyone, that is except for my husband and baby girls. When she said that, I knew in my heart that once I left home I would never see her again here on earth. Leaving my mother and driving to Tacoma, Washington was the hardest thing I had ever done. I cried for hours as we drove across the country.

A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT

We were on the highway in Pennsylvania. Twenty month old Lucy was in her car seat in the back. Six month old Lisa had been crying so I held her in my arms in the front seat of the car. It was late at night and I asked Ron to stop and get a motel room for the night. We were so close to the Ohio border that he wanted to continue a little further until we reached Ohio. Suddenly, with no warning Ron lost control of the car. We had cut off an 18 wheeler and we were swerving back and forth all over the highway. He was frantically trying to regain control but we were headed towards the guardrail. I was sure we were all going to be killed. “God help,” I whispered helplessly, holding our Lisa in my arms. At that moment Ron regained control of the car drove to the side of the road and parked it. God, in His infinite mercy and love had protected us and kept us from a certain death.

CLEANING UP

Ron got out to assess the damage. I put Lisa in her car seat and looked behind me. It looked like a mile of trucks lined up on the highway. Our U-Haul trailer doors had opened and for half a mile between our car and the long line of trucks lay all of our furniture, clothes, and miscellaneous belongings. The wrought iron marble topped kitchen table my parents had owned for twenty five lay in pieces. There was a living room chair sitting in the middle of the highway, and our bed and dressers were just large pieces of wood. There was debris everywhere. Even at 23 years old I was a bossy take charge kind of woman.

MY BOSSY SELF

“Hey you truckers!” I yelled. “Let’s get this stuff off the road! You over there!” I pointed to a giant truck driver “ Come and help me.” The big truck driver and I took a long piece of wood (our previous bed) and used it to scrape debris to the side of the road. Other truckers got moving; we cleared the road and the baby girls slept through the entire thing.

THE NEXT DAY

Ron and I and the girls drove to a motel. Someone had picked up the UHaul trailer and we were given a new one. We still had clothes and valuables inside the back of the Station wagon. I remember putting my high school yearbook, my pretty dresses and things in the back of the station wagon. The next morning we packed all the broken debris into the new U Haul trailer ( we saved it for insurance purposes). I wish I could say that this was the end of our troubles but it was not. It was a trip we would never forget.

To be continued)

BIBLE VERSE

And we know that all things work together for our good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 That was a terrible lesson to learn. The loss of my dear mother and many other terrible things have happened to me in my life. I have learned and continue to learn that God brings good things out of the bad times in our lives. We have to look for those good things. God also uses the things that happen to us to mold us and shape us into the person He wants us to be, if we let Him.

PRAYER

Dear Father, I thank you for all of the things that have happened and are happening in my life. Help me to surrender my will to your will. Make me the godly woman you want me to be. Help me to see the good things in my life and be grateful for them. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

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Teens /Singles Part 2

REVIEW OF PREVIOUS BLOG

I married a man who was not a Christian when I was nineteen years old. I had loved Jesus before I met my ex-husband but I gave up my faith, my church and my friends to live a life of partying with my young husband. We threw a gigantic party in our little apartment on Gratten Street in Chicopee on Halloween. We all wore costumes. We drank. We smoked pot. Someone had made hash brownies and I was really high. We went to see the Rocky Horror Picture show. It is amazing that my drunken driver husband did not get into an accident killing all of us that night. Though I had rejected God, He had not rejected me. Somehow, by God’s Grace we did not kill anyone by Ron’s drunken driving. God protected us.

I BECAME PREGNANT AGAIN

Then, I became pregnant again. God was giving us another child, growing inside of me. This time I knew I was pregnant early on. I completely stopped going to parties, drinking and smoking pot. I began going to church again every Sunday. Ron (not his real name) came to church with me every Sunday and one day he repented of his sins and became a Christian. God changed both of us. Ron took me to natural childbirth classes. I ate right, went regularly to see my obstetrician and took my prenatal vitamins. My church family gave me a big baby shower and poured out their love to us in the form of gifts for our first baby girl. I was so happy. On July 17, 1981 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Ron and I loved her. My parents and family loved her. His family loved her.

THE ABUSE BEGAN

I was never an easy person to live with. Ron and I had terrible arguments. My ex-husband occasionally lost his temper with me, beating me with his fists. Sometimes I pretended he had knocked me out so he would stop hitting me. After he beat me up he was always so sorry, and so kind and told me how much he loved me- until the next time. I loved him so much and forgave him over and over again.

THE BREAKUP

One day, I had had enough. I took our beautiful baby girl and we moved in with my parents. I was happy there. My mom, Dad and my siblings loved their adorable granddaughter. My Mom filled a kitchen cabinet with plastic containers and lids. My sweet little toddler emptied out the cabinet and climbed inside. How she loved to do that. Even though our sweet girl brought us delight and happiness, my it was a sad time. My mother was dying of thyroid cancer. I knew she did not have much time left on this earth. Ron started coming to my parents house to see me and our baby. My parents were not happy about that. I am glad he came over because it was then that I became pregnant again with a second beautiful baby girl growing inside of me.

OUR SECOND BABY

On October 24, 1982 my second baby girl was born. What a beautiful baby she was. We loved her then and we still do now. My parents and siblings loved her also. Ton’s family loved her. Ron lost his job during that time and joined the army. He went to went to basic training and then tech school. I lived with my parents and younger sister. I loved my job working at Burger King. When my second baby was born, her Daddy came to see her and bring us all to Fort Gordon, Georgia.

Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers: what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion has light with darkness? 2Corinthians 6:14

Dear Jesus, I want to pray for that wife who is married to an unbelieving husband and that husband who has an unbelieving wife.They do not have you as their common bond. You say in your Word that we need a firm foundation or when the storms come the house will crumble. Jesus you are that firm foundation and when the storms of life come we need you or we will be destroyed. It is so important for couples have unity in their faith : going to church together, praying together, reading your Word and seeking wisdom from above. It is important for both parents to raise children up in the nurture and encouragement from the Lord. Please help that Christian husband or wife love their unbelieving spouse, pray for their unbelieving spouse, ask others to pray for their unbelieving spouse, not bag or try to change their spouse and continue to stand strong in their faith. Help them to never give up praying for that one they love. You tell us in your Word that all things are possible with God. God can soften a person’s hard heart. We pray for young ladies and gentlemen not to wander off the right track, and not to marry someone who does not know you, love you and seek to please you. If there is anyone here who has never confessed their sin, asked you to forgive them, trusted in your death on the cross, burial and resurrection may they do that today. May today they ask you, Jesus to be their Lord and Savior. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

to be continued. See LIFE IN MY TWENTIES

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MY WEEKENDS

As of today (unless it is the middle of the night) I am taking weekends off of writing my blog to spend with the Lord and with my family. As long as God gives me a message, and I am not too sick, too weak or too tired from my chemo, I will continue writing my daily blog. Thank you for taking the time to read my daily blogs. On Monday I will write part two of my blog that said “to be continued.” May God bless you as you seek to know Him better. May he give you that close personal relationship with him and all the love, joy and peace He has for you.

Always abounding in the world of the LORD for your labor is not in vain in Him”. I have no idea why this is the Bible verse God wants me to share with you, but here it is. I woke up this morning and asked God if he wanted me to watch more Woman’s Wholeness videos which are Biblical and very good. He said no. I asked Him what He wanted me to do at 6:30 in the morning. He told me to clean my (cluttered, messy) house. I did and it looks great! What is God calling you to do? (After you watch a good hour or two of live preaching, what is God asking you to do today?)

Dear Father, Please be with all of the men of God this morning. We pray that they would be strong in their faith, their convictions and their morals. Help them to trust in you no matter what is going on in the world. Let them be great husbands, fathers, grandfathers, brothers, uncles and friends. Help them to share your love with other men. We pray for the men you have called the be Shepherds over your sheep. Help them to be bold in their preaching. Help them to be wise. Help them to be your mouthpiece. Help them to be humble. Help them to be filled with your peace, your love and your joy. We ask the same for all of the woman, teens and children. If anyone has never had a close personal relationship with you may they bow their heads right now, confess their sin, trust in Jesus who died on the cross, paid for their sin and rose again and May they ask Jesus to be their Lord and Savior. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

MIDNIGHT THOUGHTS….

SOLUTION TO THE CORONA VIRUS

I am on information overload. It is 11:50 pm and I am wide awake. I will probably sip some Sleepytime tea when I am finished with this blog. CNN has just said the first doctor in China to diagnose the Corona virus had done a lot of research and his findings showed some chemicals that could keep you from getting the Corona Virus. These ingredients are found in tea- ordinary tea. Supposedly the people in China are being served tea three times a day now and that is why people in China are getting better. Check it out on CNN. [Update: I apologize. The next day I looked for this on CNN and I could not find it. The Facebook post I read said CNN on it and I believed it. Don’t believe everything you read- always go to the source.]

DIVERSITY DIDN’T INTEREST ME

I signed up for this online women’s wholeness conference. I sat and watched hours of videos. To be honest the first topic really did not interest me. It was on Diversity. I don’t need that, I thought. I am not racist. I love everybody. The purpose of the video was not to educate people who are racists; it was made for everyday women (especially Christian women who want to learn more about women of color in order to understand and empathize with them and love them as Jesus loves all of us.) I don’t know what I expected but I learned so much that it is hard to pick out just a few things and write about them.

AM I A RACIST?

I have to admit, I do have racist thoughts and attitudes. Not all cops are bad. ( I still think most cops are good and truly want to protect everyone, but there are other cops filled with hatred and prejudice for Afro American males. Not all black men and boys are criminals ( although there is a lot of crime in black neighborhoods). To be honest if I was walking down the street and I saw some black boys that I had never met coming towards me dressed in a certain way or having a certain hair style I would be afraid. I do still think that if anyone, black, white, Asian or someone else is resisting arrest it would be so easy for them to grab a cop’s gun and shoot that cop. There are some African American boys killed because they resist arrest and the cop is fearing for his or her life. On the other hand I know there are cops who really do hate African American boys and have beaten or killed innocent Afro- American boys just because they were black. And sometimes they have gotten away with it. I have had these beliefs for many years and I think I am not alone in these beliefs.

I HAVE NEVER CARED BEFORE

I have never truly tried to understand African Americans or Hispanic people, or Asians or any other ethnic group. I have always thought that they should give up their cultures ( hairstyles, language, clothing,) and learn our language, and our culture. I am not a fan of rap music. I never thought of my views as being racist views. These views are common among people that I know. I have never asked any of my friends of color or who have children of color to tell me their stories. I have never asked them to tell me what they have been through.

THE FIRST AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN

This one pretty, educated, well dressed African American woman said ( and I do not remember her exact words) when an African American boy is killed, as a mother, can you put yourself in that mother’s place? A mother’s child has died. Can you show compassion and love to that mother? She was crying when she said it. I felt ashamed of myself. I had never thought of that family whose child, brother or grandchild has died. I cannot imagine anything worse than having your child killed. I cried with the woman who was crying as she was asking us to care about that mother whose child was killed.

THE SECOND AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN

In another session in another interview an African American woman was about 14 years old when she wrote a paper in school and her African American teacher gave her an F. She asked her teacher why she got an F. Her teacher told her because she was an African American woman she would have to work twice as hard as a white person to be seen as good as a white person. She went home upset and her grandparents agreed with her teacher. That teacher taught her to work hard, cross every t, dot every i and write a good essay. That same woman said she was the only African American girl in her high school. All of the other teenagers were white. Her friend had blond hair and blue eyes. She was funny and smart and she was good enough to be friends with, but she was not good enough to be invited to anyone’s homes. Her friends would tell her they were not allowed to bring a black girl to their house. She was also not good enough to date. Nobody ever asked her for a date. Nobody invited her to the prom. Boys would often come to ask her to help them meet her blue eyed blond friend. That poor hurting teenage girl.

RACISM FROM OTHER AFRICAN AMERUCANS

Back to the first video with the first group of ladies. Both of these African American women said they did not fit in with the white women, nor did they fit in with the African American community. I had never heard the term Oreo before. In the South, African Americans, speak, dress and look a certain way. They speak different than northern African Americans who were educated with white children, and they had certain body images and clothing styles that are different in the south than an African American girl from the north. They call these girls Oreos. It is a derogatory term meaning you are black on the outside, but white in the inside. These children do not fit in anywhere. It is especially difficult to find a date or a mate if you are a highly educated intelligent successful black women. One lady said there were not very many highly educated professionally successful black men, and most of the educated professional black men dated and married white women.

WHAT THE WHOTE WOMEN SAID

One Caucasian woman had a close friend who lived in Africa and he sent her a video of the riots against the African Americans by white people. They were in front of the block he lived in. She loved this friend and called him up and asked him if he was okay. It was a terrifying experience and it meant so much to him that someone cared enough to call him and ask him if he was okay. The second Caucasian woman had a similar story. The phone call was to an African American woman who lived in Florida when the boy drove into the crowd killing people because they were African American. The fact that she reached out in love meant so much to her African American friend. Sometimes all we need to do is make a phone call and ask our friend if they are okay.

THE FLAMINGO DANCER

One lady told of a beautiful flamingo dancer who was African American. Though she was a fantastic dancer she knew the blond girl would be always be picked before she was. Job promotions are very hard to get when you are African American. You give up your own culture and who you are in order to get that job promotion. You wear the right clothes, you have to have short hair, and you deal with people that assume that you are not as well educated as the white person is. The promotion usually goes to a man, or a Caucasian woman.

WE ALL NEED TO BE EDUCATED

WE ALL NEED TO BE EDUCATED

All of us, especially Christians should have some kind of diversity training. We all need to learn about the stereotypes and prejudices that we have in our head. Jesus went to those who were downtrodden and not liked by others and he loved them. We need to love them too. They don’t need us to rescue them- they just need us to care about them and not have false stereotypes and racist thoughts. We need to look at some of these thoughts that we don’t even know are racist thoughts.

THE BIBLE SAYS: “For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich to those that call on Him. For whoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” Romans 10:12-13

Dear Lord, please forgive us for not showing your love and compassion to men and women of different races, cultures, backgrounds and beliefs. Help us to seek to understand others. Help us to build a bridge to those who have been hurt by racism and prejudice. Help us to look at our own thinking and prejudices and stereotypes. Help us to be unified- we are all created, planned, purposed and loved by you and we can all be saved by faith in Jesus Christ. Teach us Lord to truly love people that are different than we are. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Finished at 1:42 am…. Saturday, March 28

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